One of the most interesting blogs I follow is Katharine A. Cartwright’s blog. Katharine is currently reviewing a wonderful book, Art and Fear, by David Bayles and Ted Orland. I bought this book a few years ago and as with most books, as much as I liked it, I did not find the time to finish it. I have always felt guilty if spent too much time reading. I usually try to read a little before I go to bed and I end up falling asleep, so it has been great reading Katharine’s book synopsis… A book club online and that feels productive to me.What does all this have to do with retirement? One would think that being retired I would not feel guilty about reading or doing anything for just the enjoyment of it. One word, “annihilation”. The subject of a section in chapter III in the Art and Fear book and Katharine’s May 12th post. it refers to how some artists feel and react to dry spells in their work. Since I retired and no longer do shows or have an agent, etc. I have experienced this feeling of annihilation. I do not have the energy or the good health I had a few years ago so my productivity, even for my own pleasure, has diminished. The guilt and feelings of hopelessness gets heavy at times, which seems to exacerbate the “dry spell” problem. I eat too many sweets for energy (counterproductive), and when I am not going to the doctor, I am grocery shopping and doing other chores, but not painting. My excuse all winter has been the lack of heat in my studio. I tell myself, now that the hot weather is settling in, the studio will be the coolest place in the house and surely then the creative juices will flow! Now I am whining, which I really dislike, but I thought if I came clean with my fears, then I could deal with them. I hear the clock ticking and avoiding my studio will not slow it down. Maybe this will be my epiphany. Today I will go down and just throw a little paint on some paper and hopefully the muse with appear!
An epiphany is the moment when you run out of excuses for yourself, and nothing is left but the truth. ~ Kenji Crosland,
Hey... don't beat yourself up.
ReplyDeleteI understand those feelings. Since I decided to go all digital, I have felt a lot less guilt. All my friends and relatives were expecting me to churn out painting after painting after I retired. My interests have been directed toward digital painting and I'm wayyy OK with that.
It's like when you want to learn a new skill or a new piece of software. You dive into it with gusto and stick with it until you feel you've mastered it enough to be no longer be driven. I was no great artist, but I had become bored with what it offered me. Maybe it's time you broke new ground.
Hi Eva - thanks for the nod to my blog and for this open and honest discussion about where you are right now. It's easy to feel discouraged, but an artist never really retires from being an artist. Whether you put your imaginings on canvas or keep them in your head, you're still creative. It's a part of who you are. Some very notable artists weren't very productive in terms of the number of paintings they completed, but they were still thinking about it and never stopped being artists. If I never lifted a paintbrush again, I'd still think of myself as an artist because that's how my mind works. So, maybe you're not really retired ... maybe you're just on a sabbatical leave and will return. Sabbaticals are times for thinking and renewing. Take all the time you need ....
ReplyDeleteThanks Doug for your comments and support. Believe it or not I created lots of digital art when I first learned how to use Photoshop, but like everything else I burned out on it and wanted to get back to real materials. I'm still in love with digital and will no doubt do more. Yours are so great, it gives me something to aspired to. BTW I did go down to the studio this afternoon and played with some ink and collage.Hooray!
ReplyDeleteHi Kathy, I should thank you for writing such a great blog and giving me so much inspiration. Also, I appreciate your support and understanding. If thinking about art and and all the painting I do in my head counts, then I am a superstar 8-)It's pretty much all I think about beyond the have-tos. I think "Art and Fear" just hit a nerve.
ReplyDeleteYou are one brave lady for being so candid and open about the feelings I am sure many of us feel from time to time. I love that you "put it out there" and made a sort of pact with yourself and your followers to go at it again. We'll be looking forward to seeing the results of your epiphany! (hugs)
ReplyDeleteSheila, Thanks for the hug and comments. I'm not sure if I'm brave or foolish, but I was sure I wasn't alone in the feelings I was having. I believe creative people are particularly vulnerable.I did paint a little yesterday and will do more today. I wasn't concerned about quality. I was more about just doing it!
ReplyDeleteThanks Eva for the great post...I know how that feels. I have only done a few small collages and am on a jewelry marathon, since I lost the lease to my studio a year ago. But...oh how I miss my studio where I could splash paint on a large canvas and not have to put "stuff" away. This really puts me in a funk...
ReplyDeleteLove your work, don't give up..
Oh Cory, I'm sorry you lost your studio. Although mine is in my basement, and I haven't used it much lately, it's comforting to know it's there waiting for me. Thanks for commenting. Good luck with your jewelry.
ReplyDeleteYou are so fortunate to have been painting for 50 years. I have just come back to it seriously for the first time, at age 49, for about a year, so I don't have the perspective you do. But judging from your September post, since you had to wear a mask and broke into a rash from working in your studio, I'd say it was more than an excuse that kept you from your studio when it was colder. When I have exercised (physically) and then stopped, it has always been hard to get back into it and do it regularly. I think you did right by going downstairs to play with the ink and collage, and if you force yourself to go maybe at a specific time every day, it may help. And if you miss a day (or 2 or 3), don't beat yourself up. Just go the next day. You have a lot of things happening, and changes in life are hard to adjust to - it is sometimes hard to get back into a rhythm - that I know. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments Dan. Obviously it was prompted by my comment on Kathy's blog. I have painted for many years and my work has/is in many corporate collections, but it has never immune me from self doubts and dry periods. Fortunately I have been back in my studio and creating for the past few days. Nothing I'm pleased with, but at least I'm working.
ReplyDeleteEva, even though you've retired and stopped doing shows, don't let retirement make your artistic life go down like a meteor. Maybe the best thing you could do now is clear your mind. I'm sure your artistic drive will come back eventually. You could try your hand in different art media while you're at it, to keep your creative juices flowing.
ReplyDeleteThanks Andrews for bringing me back to this old post. I was a shot in the backside that I needed as the old artistic dry spell has been hovering over me. Lots of personal issues continue to nag me, but as Dan Kent commented they are mostly excuses. Maybe it's time to blog about them again :O)
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